


Let Me Break You

by K_Mensch_91



Category: Rammstein
Genre: BDSM, Depression, Dominance, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Older Man/Younger Woman, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Smut, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-06-27 13:01:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19791421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_Mensch_91/pseuds/K_Mensch_91
Summary: Kjersti and Richard have been dating a while now but one day things start to change. Perhaps for better or worse.





	1. Let Me Break You (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> This story has forced sex scenes, physical abuse and verbal humiliation and references to depression and self-harm/scars incase anyone will be triggered by this.
> 
> Also, feel free to let me know if you'd like this with more chapters or to leave it as it is. :-)

It wasn’t long until Richard had come through the door carrying several shopping bags. “Honey, I’m home!” He hollered from the hallway, breaking me from my train of thought. I had slipped back into a deep depression and he was there for me, he still stayed at my side instead of belittling me or humiliating me like other short-lived boyfriends had done. Richard had settled the bags onto the unit in the kitchen and came to look for me- partly to see why I didn’t run out tackling him with kisses but also to make sure I hadn’t done anything silly. He found me in the same position I had been since he left, sitting on my chair looking out over the view from our balcony. He smiled sadly and walked closer, his hand resting on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” He said, grimacing at his choice of words, of course I was’t okay as it was only last night that he was fighting with me and pinned me to the floor to take the razorblade from my hands. I looked up into his eyes that were full of pain and slightly nodded and returned to staring back into nothingness. “I think we should sit and watch a movie together, would you like that?” He asked hopefully. Again, I just weakly nodded and for the first time in hours- I stood up and turned to face him, he took my hand and led me through to the livingroom and watched me as I sat down. He said he’d be back in a minute- he was just going to finish putting the shopping away and pour a few drinks. He poured a beer into a pint glass for himself and poured me a soft-drink. He banned me from alcohol last night for a while stating how it’s a depressant and would make me worse. He sat next to me and handed me the glass of lemonade he poured, twisting my face into a look of disgust “this tastes so bad without vodka” I whined. “I know babe but you’re not allowed alcohol just now” He reiterated from last night. Frowning at my stupidity and consequences, I took another sip and put the glass on the coffee table. Richard found some old black and white horror to watch and pulled me to his side, snuggling with me. He sat with me cuddled into his side and my head resting on his chest, his hand running up and down my arm slowly, gently and tenderly, making my skin turn into goosebumps. Smiling that he knew it was turning me on. I never had sex with any previous boyfriends as we always broke up before it got that far, thankfully and Richard wanted to wait until the right moment, worrying that I’d regret it. We were both alike in the sense of having insecurities, but we built each other up instead of tearing each other down. I smiled as I began to feel Richard’s heart beating faster, I needed to feel adored and loved after my breakdown, I needed Richard. Completely.

The tv had become just a noise in the distance as I focused on Richard’s heartbeat and feeling him shift slightly- I knew he was getting hard from feeling my body turn into goosebumps from the pleasure he was causing. I looked up at him and he was taken back by my darkening eyes, knowing full well what he started. Kissing him, he returned the kiss more tenderly and passionately- this is what I needed and more. Richard felt his jeans starting to become far too tight for his liking. Feeling a little brave I started to run my hand over his chest.

Fuck, I needed him. Badly.

The look of confusion and hurt flashing across his face as I stood up, knowing why, I spoke- his reaction changed to love? Lust? Shock? His jaw droppd as I spoke “I think it’s time Richard. I need you.”

He didn’t have to be told twice and quickly led us to our bedroom. He grabbed me just before the end of our bed and we started kissing. His hands running over me and my hands running slowly up and down his chest and stomach taking in the shape of his body. Starting to undress eachother, Richard kissed every inch of skin he bared, my shoulders, down my arms, down my chest, down my stomache, along my hips. I don’t remember a time where my body ever felt this alive.

Staring at my naked body, he frowned seeing recent and old scars adorning my thighs and ribs. Kissing them, he said “I want you to stop doing this, I never want you to hurt yourself again. It breaks my heart seeing the scars babe.” Quickly looking into his eyes confirmed his statement to be true and I hung my head in shame at the thought of upsetting the man I love. He lifted my head to look at him, using a finger under my chin. Placing a gentle kiss on my lips as his hand slipped down to hold the side of my neck, his thumb gently caressing my sensitive skin. I gently slid his boxers down and gasped at how perfect his dick was, it looked big and thick too. Letting out a moan at the thought of having his dick inside of me soon. He smiled a slightly evil looking grin making me blush. I stepped away and got into bed, Richard doing the same and going straight to attacking my lips with kisses. His big dick was hard and I could feel him against my thigh. I felt his hand trail down from my shoulder to cup my breast. Whining, I looked at him “Reesh, please, can we go straight to making love? I really need you.” He let out a choked moan at the request and looked at me like I was an alien. “Babe, it’ll hurt a lot as I’ve not prepared you enough”. “I don’t care Reesh, I need you.” He moaned and started kissing at my neck, moving so that he was over me. Slipping his knee between my legs and parting them so he was between my legs, naturally- knees bent in the air on either side of him. “I just need to make sure you’re wet enough babe” he said as I saw him move and suddenly felt his fingers running along my pussy, parting my lips to feel my wetness. Gasping at his touch and how right it felt, he moaned at how wet I was already. “Babe, don’t be alarmed if I hold your hands above your head, it turns me on to have you trust me enough to hold you down” he stated and I merely nodded, just wanting him to shut up and continue already.

I didn’t need to hope any longer as I started feeling him grinding against me, his dick rubbing my clit sending electricity through me and turning me into a moaning mess. “Does that turn you on?” He asked, followed by a moan when I nodded my head. “Are you ready for this babe?”. Again, I managed another nod. I felt him aligning himself with me and suddenly panic started seeping into my mind of how much they say it’s meant to hurt but Richard must’ve sensed this as he started kissing all over my face reassuringly. Slowly and gently, I felt him start to push in. Kissing my neck to distract from the pain about to happen as he slid entirely into me. Unable to stop the pained groan escaping my lips, he whispered into my ear “you’re doing so good babe, such a good girl….. babe if I start saying things, it’s to add an element of naughtiness, it’s not meant to hurt or offend you” I gave a puzzled look but soon knew what he was talking about by what came out of his mouth next “Babe, you’re so tight, you’re so fucking tight. I want to stay like this forever. Does my little whore want me to stay inside of her?” He snarled into my ear. Not enjoying what he called me, I dismissed it as sexy talk and nodded because it’s true, I did want him to stay inside of me. Richard moaned loud.

Ever so gently and slowly, he began to slide in and out of me. It hurt a little, “Does my little slut like the pain?” he asked and I blushed madly. It hurt a lot but it felt so so good aswell. He grabbed my hands and held them above my head. “Does my little bitch want to be controlled…. Dominated…. Owned?” He growled. Not knowing what those words meant but being lost in the moment, I gasped out a yes as he thrust painfully hard into me. “You have no idea how much things I want to do to you or what things I want to do you. I want to corrupt you. I want to make you mine in every way. I want to completely fucking ruin you. Would you like that, slut?” Not able to say no, I nodded, I wanted him to completely ruin me, I wanted to be his, I wanted him to corrupt me, I wanted him to make me his. No, not wanted, needed. “Next time you feel like you need to cut, I want you to come to me so I can do it, that way I know they won’t be deep” I nodded, rather turned on at the thought of Richard running a blade over my thighs for me, cutting me. He still kept slowly sliding in and out of me, just enjoying talking obscenities instead. “Do you want me to hurt you?” He asked. Stupidly I nodded not knowing what he meant. 

*slap*

I looked back at him in fear as my head made a swift turn to the left. “Reesh…” I whimpered. “You nodded your head when I asked if you wanted me to hurt you. You shouldn’t have agreed to it if you don’t want it” Knowing Richard was the type of guy not to accept a different answer from what’s said the first time, I felt for the first time with him- genuine fear. What did hurting me mean? Richard was always gentle and tender, why now was he being…. Like this? 

*slap*

I whimpered again. “Oh yeah babe, you take what I’m doing and everything I’m about to do and I’ll make sure to build you up again”. I nodded, again. No idea what he was wanting to do. Suddenly very aware of his strength, I now felt lust mixing with the fear. I felt Richard push deeper into me and I couldn’t help the slutty moan that sounded out next and Richard just looked into my eyes and laughed “Seems like my little hunny-bunny likes being treated like a dirty cheap whore…. Pathetic little bitch.” The last part being snarled out.

*slap*

“Reesh, please…. Don’t stop.” I whimpered, feeling a pressure starting to happen within my stomach. “What kind of whore likes being slapped about like a worthless little slut?” He groaned. Although rhetorical and no answers needed, I couldn’t help what escaped my mouth “I do” I replied, his stunned expression turning into a smirk. “So now you finally know your place, get on your hands and knees” he demanded and I done as he asked after disengaging from him. I felt him behind me and he grabbed my hips, in one movement he was fully inside me.

“Reesh…” I couldn’t help but gasp. “Tell me what you are” He again demanded. “I’m you’re little whore” I whined, earning a guttural groan from him. Suddenly, he started fucking me hard and fast making me cry out in near screams. “Take my dick, slut” tears burning at my eyes as I nodded pathetically. After a particularly deep thrust, he groaned and grabbed my hair pulling my head back to him, fucking me deeper and harder. I couldn’t help moaning in pain but Richard still continued, I hoped he wouldn’t stop given the pain I was in. “Little whore likes her hair being pulled, does she like being spanked like the useless bitch she is?” I moaned at his choice of words for me which he obviously took as meaning something else.

*spank*

The noise rang out through the apartment, a choked cry coming from my now tear stained face at the pain. “Little bitch can’t handle it, whores take what they’re given” he said in a controlling “handle it” type of way, which was made clear by him shoving my head down into the pillows with the hand that was already in my hair and fucking me at an even rougher pace. Pretty sure there was bound to be a lot of internal bruising after this. I brought my knees closer to my chest. “REEEESSSSSHHHHHHHHH!” I cried out, his dick slamming against a part inside of me making the pressure in my tummy worse.  
“You better fucking wet me, whore” Richard demanded as he turned my face to the side.

*slap* 

The pressure peaking from his slap to my cheek, the position I was in and his rough fucking was getting too much. I don’t know what happened inside of me but it felt like I had wet myself and I got very embarrassed. “Dirty little slut, you just fucking came! Did I say you can squirt?” He said in a slight mock aggressive tone, I nodded my head “You said I was to wet you” I said panicked. “Only when I say you're allowed to” He moaned. “This might hurt a little” He said as he interrupted my thoughts, confused to what he meant…. But I couldn't think for long out as he held my hips in place and began slamming into me… HARD! Richard moaned, “fuck, I’m going to come soon.” I began moaning, encouraging him to come as I was so light-headed from how he was fucking me. “You just came and now you’re moaning again! You really are a little slut” He whined, his grip tightening painfully. “Please Reesh, I need you” I whined in pain. A dozen or so painful thrusts later and my head was yanked back again, his other hand choking my neck as he came, the warmth filling my pussy. Both of us moaning at the feeling. Richard stayed inside for a bit, kissing over my back. He slipped out after he caught his breath. Laying next to me, he looked at me with concern. “Are you okay babe? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” He asked noticing my tear stained face. I shook my head “It was better than I imagined, I felt so amazing, I felt completely yours Richard. I love you.” He replied with “I love you too” and pulled me close to him. Kissing all over my face before we fell asleep for the night.


	2. Let Me Break You 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning

The next morning

We were woken up by our obnoxious alarm going off, both of us groaning and protesting at having to get up. Richard took it upon himself to decide it needed to collide with a wall, another alarm clock broken. Giggling at his petulance, I rolled over to get up and go freshen up… much to Richard’s dismay judging by the whine he made. “I have morning breath babe, plus… I really need a shower; I need to wake up or I’ll be a zombie all day”, “true, you can be unbearable when you haven’t woken up properly” he replied with that devil’s grin playing at his lips. “I could make you’re morning way better if you’d let me?” He queried hopefully, knowing full well I decided to play dumb anyway “Oh, and how would you make it better Mister Kruspe?” His devil’s grin taking over and not just playing at his lips. “Round 2” he simply stated. I declined by saying how I was still sore from last nights activities. Laughing, he got up and came over to me, stopping in front of me to grab my jaw and cheeks in his hands and kissing my forehead. I smiled at the affection and he grabbed at my hand, dragging me into the en-suite and turning the shower on setting it to a warm temperature as he still held my wrist in his hand. I watched him as he put his hand under to test that it was perfect, a sense of feeling like a kid/a woman being inadequate of doing the simplest things overtook me to a point but those feelings were quickly shoved aside as Richard stepped into the shower and pulling me with him.

Richard decided he was going to take it upon himself to wash me, his hands soaping my arms, shoulders… chest, playing a bit with my nipples and groping my boobs. Applying more shower gel and soaping my tummy and letting his hand wander south, letting a finger slip in me. A whimper of pain falling from my lips. His free hand wrapped round my shoulders as he backed me against the wall. “You’re wet, if it was that sore then you’d be crying” he said laughing. His lips meeting my neck as his middle finger curled back towards him; poking, rubbing and playing with the area of immense pleasure inside of me making me a dripping wet, moaning mess. Again laughing, he moved his lips to my ear and after giving it a firm nip, began the same style of talk as last night “You better cum for me, whore”. His fingering becoming faster and rougher. His arm unwrapping from my shoulders to grip my neck. “Richard, please…” I was still tender from last night and this was starting to get rather uncomfortable. “You better be begging for more and not for me to stop or I’ll need to punish you” he demanded. Unable to say it was the latter in fear of being slapped again, I just nodded…. How stupid of me. Sliding his index finger in to join his middle finger, quickening the movements a little more. Richard moaned out at how I felt around his two fingers and continued to finger me for a bit but this didn’t last long as he withdrew his fingers from me getting a whine. “Wrap your legs round me” he demanded as he lifted my thighs up, I done as I was told and wrapped my thighs around his waist. His right hand taking his cock and lining himself up with me. No words said as he shoved completely into me, earning a cried-out scream as a groan was pulled from his stomach. Our voices ringing out in the bathroom. With his hands holding me up and supporting me, he started to kiss and lick at my neck as he began slowly fucking me, a dull ebbing pain in my stomach from his sudden invasion and movements. “I want you to cum like you did last night babe” he muttered in a tone of desperation; his eyes full of lust. Pulling me down onto him- feeling him going balls deep and a slutty moan being groaned out at the feeling from how deep he is. Letting out a gasped moan, Richard returns to his vulgar talk “Fucking hell, you really are a little dirty slut and here you are… acting like you’re all sore and tender.” He slid one of his hands up to grip my throat and leaned back from me a little to look into my eyes as he barely spoke above a whisper “be careful what you wish for in future” and no sooner had those words been spoken that a swift slap connected with my cheek, leaving a metallic taste in my mouth. A bust lip.

“Richard, please…. Stop now” I begged but Richard chose to ignore me and continue anyways- not that I wanted to stop him but an apology would’ve been nice at least. I started drifting off into thoughts of; how long before he cums? How long am I going to endure this for? Etc. But my thoughts didn’t get a chance to continue as I felt him close the gap between us and bite my neck. “I’m gonna cum, I’m so close” being whined out between gasps, his grip tightening on me. One moan of encouragement brought him over the edge, his hot cum flooding inside me. We finished washing eachother in silence, and drying eachother in silence. Richard, not even looking at me, went into our room to get changed into clothes and I decided to wait a while on him to get ready and out before I decided to get ready. It wasn’t until I went to put some make-up on that I saw my cheek starting to slightly bruise from the other night and my slightly swollen and bust lip from the shower that I realised I’m not only going to need a lot more make-up but Richard is being way too rough. Not being in any way, shape or form an expert at make-up, it took me over an hour just to try mask the bruising and bust lip scenario. 

I went to join Richard in the livingroom and he didn’t even turn to acknowledge me. “Reesh, is everything okay? You’ve completely ignored me after we had sex just there.” His reply cut me apart, “When I fucked you, I slapped you and I injured you, I drew blood by busting your lip and I noticed your cheek starting to bruise already. I didn’t mean to hurt you this hard. I’m sorry.” I could only tell him it was fine and I otherwise enjoyed it because for me- it was fine. I just dreaded going outside or to rehearsals etc now incase anyone noticed and Paul, Schneider and Till were especially caring for me like big brothers/father figures. Flake and Olli were very much quiet and “to themselves” kinda guys so I didn’t need to worry about them pointing out things or noticing them and then all levels of hell being raised. Noticing me thinking, Richard answered my next question before I got to think of it “we leave in a few hours for rehearsals”. My head dropped as a sigh was breathed out. I was dreading this. 

The next few hours went by in a deafening silence. The journey to the studio was worse, not a word said and the atmosphere being incredibly awkward. Richard being the distraction, walked in front of me into the studio and greeted the guys as I tried to stay behind as much as possible. That was never going to happen as Paul grabbed my wrist and pulled me from behind Richard. “No point hiding, I saw you behind Reesh, where’s my hug?” He greeted me by saying. I held my arms out as he took me into a strong and comfortable hug, making sure to squish me before letting me go and the others hugging me one after another. “Well, time to get practising” Schneider announced as we walked to the usual room and the guys taking their places as I took my place on a chair in front of them. The guys bickered about what songs they wanted to play before settling on ‘Ich Will’. The usual rehearsal room shenanigans started when Flake fucked up on a keyboard part and Till shouting over “It’s not like it’s our most difficult song to play! Every. Single. Time!” I giggled as Till started getting a little fake angry thing going on and then Reesh deciding to have a 10 minute solo resulting in Schneider throwing a fair few drumsticks at him. I giggled a lot this time at the general idiocy being had and soon enough- it was 5 hours later and still only felt like a half hour and we decided to call it a day before the guys put their stuff away and tidied up. We walked out the room and out into the parking lot as Reesh ran back in needing a wee before we headed off in search of a bar. Paul grabbed my arm again, taking me aside this time. “What’s going on with you and Reesh? You’s haven’t been kissing or being unbearably all over eachother like normal.” I couldn’t help the sigh that came and decided to tell him truthfully that I have no idea… I don’t. Last night he was fine and now he’s not. But I didn’t want to burden Paul so thankfully he didn’t press me and told me that I know where he is if I needed to chat. Finally, Reesh joined us again and we went to the nearest bar. 

Everyone was in good spirits besides the obvious void now between Reesh and I. Paul shot an occasional concerned/comforting smile every so often and we burst into laughter as Till decided to drag Reesh up to play some of the arcade type shooting games followed by a few games of pool. Schneider disappeared to talk to some woman he saw and the rest of the guys were crowding round Reesh and Till seeing who was getting endlessly slagged for the rest of the week until we went out drinking again. Finding myself with Paul, we started chatting about small stuff and Paul was ordering round after round for us and declining my offers of getting a round in return. We sat drinking for a few hours- I was well beyond tipsy and all it took was Paul asking “What’s wrong?” before I told him everything. I really am a terrible drinker- I either can’t keep my mouth shut or I’m an overly hyper/giggly drunk. Paul had a look of confusion on his face before turning to hurt, then to anger, then concern, then finally back to his usual happy self. Paul decided I had enough drinks and started ordering glasses of water instead. We made small talk of anything and everything before the guys finally got bored and came back, Reesh kissing my cheek before sitting next to me and resting his head on my shoulder. “Tired, are we?” I asked and a “mhmm” from Reesh was all I needed to hear for me to be able to declare it a night and finally get home and into pyjamas. I really hate normal clothing, pyjamas are way comfier. 

Reesh and I bade the guys goodbye and left the bar to hail a taxi to go home. The drive was finally a comfortable silence now. Reesh falling asleep on my shoulder until we got home and I woke him up- I paid the driver and we got out the taxi and headed to our front door before I had to pat Reesh down to find what pocket he put the keys in as he swore blind that I had them. Once in, I was glad to run into our bedroom and strip into my pyjamas and slippers. Reesh quickly walking after me in a stumbling way to also strip and put his lounge wear on. Both of us having the same mindset- more drinks! The rest of the night was fairly tame. We just sat and drank all night, giggling about all the good stuff and fun times we’ve had so far together, reminiscing of the time when we were all at the beach and the guys decided it would be fun to throw me off the pier. We laughed endlessly at our stupidity for the rest of the night and after we emptied a bottle of vodka between us- it was finally time for bed!


	3. Let me break you 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just more pure smut. Roughness.

A few days later.

Ever since the night out Richard had been distant and in a strange mood, so I focused on sleeping as much as possible or going out to the beaches or going on walks. I came back after a walk which proved to be a bad idea with Richard being drunk as I came through the front door shutting it behind me. “Hey, I thought you were going to be working on some lyrics and stuff?” I said, unaware of the seething anger written across Richard’s face as I hung my jacket on the coat stand. “So that you can have fun fucking Paul!” He snarled. Turning to look at Richard shocked, I told him how we weren’t fucking and asked where this was coming from. “You seemed rather cozy with him a few nights ago, am I not good enough for you?” His tone changing from anger to demanding. 

“Reesh, you’re being silly now. You know I’m not like that and you know I love you”. I said as my fingers started to pinch the bridge of my nose.

“You have a funny way of showing it then!” Coming as a raised voice, followed by that demanding tone snarling out two words “Prove it!”

Genuinely confused now, I asked how I’m meant to prove it. Wrong move Kjersti. Richard stood and started unbuckling his belt. “Get over here” he demanded again. Complying with his demand, I walked over to him, my head dropping my gaze in defeat. “Kneel!” Came the other demand. Again, doing as I was told, I got down on my knees in front of him. Removing his belt and sitting back down he grabbed my hair and put me across his knees. “Slide your leggings and underwear down” came my next demand. “Richard, this isn’t fun anymore.” I pleaded. “Should’ve thought of that before you started playing dumb” was his reply. Whimpering, I stayed still which I found out didn’t work as he took to sliding my leggings and underwear down instead. Folding his belt over, one hand held me down between my shoulder blades as the hand with the belt was raised and brought down with force. Screaming from the pain as tears were being brought to my eyes, I felt the searing heat and stinging from his belt. I didn’t get to regain my breath as the belt was brought down across my ass again. And again. And again. I pleaded with Richard to stop but got a “shut up” in reply which I didn’t listen to. The pain was too much. “Richard, it really is hurting me. Please. Stop” being whimpered out as I was near the verge of crying. Hearing the thud of metal hitting laminate, my heart fluttered at his belt finally being dropped, as he ran his hand over my cheeks, I could feel the red welts raising my skin. Grabbing my hair and pulling me off him, he had me kneeling again as his free hand started unbuttoning and unzipping his trousers. Only when he stood to slide his trousers and boxers down- I noticed that he was hard.

“Open your mouth” came as a snarl again. Not one wanting to argue with the mood he was in, I done as he asked. Taking his dick in his hand and shoving himself deep. His hand joining the one already gripping my hair. Gagging at his length being shoved down my throat, he laughed and spat out another sentence “who knew sluts had gag reflexes”. No sooner had he said this that he started rocking his hips back and forward, taking to face fucking me instead of letting me have some control. My gag reflexes being shockingly poor, gagging and trying to pull away as he kept his handfuls of my hair, holing me in place. Disgusting gagging noises filling our apartment which seemed to turn him on judging by the animalistic moans and groans escaping his mouth. Tears falling from my eyes at the gagging and stinging from the welts on my cheeks, my hands finding their way to Richard’s thighs to support myself. 

I could tell he was near climax 10 minutes later as his pace was becoming more and more frantic and his grip tightening in my hair. “Where do you want me to cum?” He choked out. Not letting me answer him properly. My answer sounding like moans on his dick was enough to send him over the edge, gripping my hair tightly and thrusting his dick in my throat as deep as he could manage. His cum flooding my throat, making me choke as his thrusting slowed down to a few small movements, riding out his orgasm. I had no other choice but to swallow so I could breathe and not choke. His hands kept their grip in my hair as he pulled back, his softening cock being pulled from my mouth making a strange popping sound, swallowing the build up of saliva and the remnants of the last few drips of his come. I managed to let out a gasp for air to try slow my breathing down.  
I could feel the energy shift in the room as Richard calmed down, letting go of my hair and pulling his clothing up to go wash and clean himself off as I fixed my own clothing and sat down, a small yelp from the soreness of my tender skin sitting on the sofa. 

Richard joined a few minutes later and sat down next to me, a lot more calmer and relaxed. “I’m sorry Kjersti, I had to know you still loved me as it looked like you and Paul were getting pretty close the other night and my drinking today brought my demons out.” The look of love and guilt plastered over his face. “I kinda love the punishment” I admitted, a blush crossing my face. He sighed in relief and smiled before pulling me to him, my head resting on his chest and his arm draped around me, placing a few kisses on my head while our breathing slowed and sleep took over our exhausted bodies.


	4. Let Me Break You (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self-harm is contained in this chapter.
> 
> And sorry for the gap inbetween chapters being uploaded. Not the best author of fanfics as it's my first time doing this so I'm having problems with getting pieces to flow smoothly, motivation, self-worth or what direction to take with them.

I had awoken a few hours later- a sudden sense of panic screaming at me to get away from Reesh. I decided to shower alone, brush my teeth and all that stuff before I got into bed but I couldn’t get to sleep. I stayed awake looking at the ceiling with my mind running around in circles about Reesh’s behaviour. Sure, it turned me on but at the same time, I wanted to feel loved. Just once. Like the whole fairytale, romantic, slow, love-making that you read about in light erotica. I wanted my soul to feel that completion. 

I’m not sure how long had went by as I stared at the ceiling until I heard Reesh padding about and following the same routine I had done and I decided I couldn’t be arsed with his questioning so I turned onto my side and pretended to be asleep. I heard his gentle but firm footsteps heading closer and closer through the apartment to our bed, feeling him lifting the covers to slip in next to me. He shuffled over to me and wrapped his arm around me, his quietened voice breaking the silence “I absolutely adore you. Please just love me, I don’t want you to abandon me one day either like everyone else has. I love you.” I couldn’t keep pretending, the pain and hurt in his voice was crushing to hear. “I love you too Reesh and I could never abandon you, you’re too good to me” I replied as I rolled over to face him, his eyes wide with the ‘deer caught in headlights’ look. A stray tear made it’s way across the bridge of his nose and landing on the pillow, my hand reaching to lay on his cheek as I gently pressed my lips to his and his arms holding me tightly against him, feeling so little and yet so safe in his big strong arms and being held tight against his strong chest. I let my hand move from his cheek so I could wrap my arm around him instead. 

And then it came. The one question I wasn’t expecting to ever hear in my lifetime. “If we end up in a situation where you’re pregnant, what do you want?” My jaw falling from shock at this question. A question of a situation that I’ve never even considered until now. “I….. I dunno, I don’t want kids but if it’s what you wanted then I wouldn’t mind but I don’t want to be a single parent 5 years down the line or whatever…. What about you?” He gave me a gentle and reassuring smile “I’d love you to keep the baby but then, your happiness is more important to me so I’m happy with whatever decision you choose to make.” I couldn’t take my eyes away from his as a small smile tugged at my lips. 

We stayed awake having small talk and cuddling each other with declarations of love and promises of never leaving each other thrown in here and there. I felt the familiar feelings of the dark cloud rumbling into my thoughts. Richard seeing the change in my face, asked if I’m okay. “Yeah Reesh, I’m just gonna nip to the bathroom real quick.” I answered as I gave him a quick kiss and got out of bed and walked into the en-suite and locked the door. I dug through my things to find my secret stash of back-up blades. After locating them, I withdrew one from it’s plastic casing and sat down on the edge of the bath, waiting and hoping for the feeling to pass or I’d be creating body art again. 

10 minutes or so had passed and I was feeling worse. I stood to slide my leggings down and started with a few slits to my thigh, then my stomach, a few slits over my chest and finally slitting my arms in desperation. The pained groans and my crying giving away my current administrations had Reesh banging on the door. “Open this door right now Kjersti or you’re in big trouble”, I’d be in big trouble anyways so I was going to hold of that risk for as long as possible. I looked at the door and gave it my middle finger before going back to slitting my thighs. 

I heard Reesh disappear then come back a few minutes later- the door handle jiggling a bit and Reesh bursting in, screwdriver getting tossed to the side as he came striding over to me and grabbing at my wrists. “What the fuck is your problem?” He demanded. “I felt miserable and not wanting to be here anymore” I said while shrugging my shoulders. “You’re such an ungrateful and selfish bitch, you know that?”, the hurt evident in his eyes. I looked down and nodded. It’s true- I was being selfish, I was trying to make myself feel better meanwhile I promised him I wouldn’t do this again and that I’d never leave him. He grabbed a face flannel of the towel rail and ran it under hot water, taking my arms and washing the blood away and doing the same to my torso and thighs. The flannel was thrown into the laundry basket and he went to look through the medicine cabinet in search of some antiseptic. Finding the tube of cream, he came over while opening it and sat the cap next to me. Watching as this sexy, strong, built, German started squeezing some cream into his fingers and rubbing it over my wounds and repeating the process when he needed more antiseptic. It stung but I was used to it so it had a slight arousing feeling to it more than a painful sting. Once it was rubbed into my skin, Reesh dressed me and led me back to our bed. “Why did you do that? Why do you keep doing it? Just stop, will you?” He questioned me, pleading me to stop my insanity. “I’ll try to stop but I can’t help it”, I rested into his arms with my head on his chest. My silent tears landing on his top as we fell back to sleep.


End file.
